Harvard Expert Flags 5 Red Flags of Narcissism in Relationships

Relationships with narcissists can become emotionally draining and toxic. A Harvard psychologist reveals the telltale signs of extreme self-interest that should raise red flags.

In a recent interview, Dr. Craig Malkin of Harvard Medical School highlighted 5 behaviors that highlight narcissistic tendencies in romantic partners:

1. Love Bombing

Narcissists often “love bomb” prospective partners with excessive flattery and affection early on. This idealization phase artificially accelerates intimacy through constant texts, gifts, and compliments.

But this honeymoon stage eventually gives way to emotional withdrawal once the narcissist feels confident of the partner’s attachment.

Narcissists have a strategy to manipulate their potential partners by showering them with excessive praise and affection at the beginning of the relationship. This phase of idealization creates a false sense of closeness through constant communication, gifts, and compliments.

However, this phase does not last long and soon the narcissist starts to withdraw emotionally once they are sure of the partner's attachment. This creates a contrast between the initial and the current behavior of the narcissist, leaving the partner confused and hurt.

2. Hot and Cold Mind Games

Narcissists tend to play manipulative hot and cold games in relationships. They withhold affection or stir up drama to keep partners uncertain and vying for approval.

This destructive cycle reinforces the narcissist's sense of power and control. Meanwhile, the partner suffers blow after blow to their self-esteem.

One of the common tactics that narcissists use to manipulate their partners is to switch between hot and cold behavior. They may shower their partners with affection and attention one moment, and then ignore them or create conflict the next. This creates a sense of insecurity and confusion in the partner, who constantly tries to please the narcissist and earn their approval.

The narcissist enjoys this dynamic because it gives them a sense of power and control over the partner. They feel superior and validated by having someone who is always eager for their validation. The partner, on the other hand, suffers from low self-esteem and emotional distress as a result of this abusive cycle.

3. Projecting Blame

Narcissists dodge accountability for their misdeeds by accusing others of what they have done wrong – even when the evidence points to them.

Their partners frequently apologize to calm the situation, even when they are the ones who should receive an apology. This causes frustration and undermines trust.

Narcissists avoid taking responsibility for their actions and shift the blame to others – even when it is clear that they are at fault.

Their partners often end up saying sorry just to keep the peace, even when they deserve an apology. This creates anger and damages trust.

4. Triangulating

One of the common tactics of narcissists is to triangulate their partners with other people. This means that they compare their partners to their exes, friends, or celebrities, and make them feel inadequate or jealous. They do this to create a sense of competition and insecurity in their partners, and to boost their own ego and power. By triangulating, narcissists manipulate their partners into trying harder to please them and to stay in the relationship.

Narcissists frequently triangulate partners with comparisons to others. They may talk up exes or acquaintance to provoke jealousy. Or they idealize celebrities as conditioning partners to compete for their affection.

Triangulation aims to maintain the upper hand in the relationship. The partner feels insecure while the narcissist luxuriates in the attention.

5. Zero Empathy

Extreme narcissists demonstrate an utter lack of empathy and interest in their partner's needs or emotions. They see relationships as a means to gratify their own ego, not foster true intimacy.

This self-centeredness tends to breed unhappiness. Narcissists often leave long trails of damaged relationships marked by their exploitation.

People who are narcissistic have an exaggerated sense of their own worth and a lack of empathy for others. They view relationships as a tool to satisfy their own ego, not to create real intimacy.

This self-absorption often results in unhappiness. Narcissists tend to harm and exploit the people they are with, leaving behind a path of shattered relationships and emotional scars.

In Summary

The above patterns illuminate different manifestations of narcissism in relationships. Dr. Malkin notes that we all exist on a spectrum of self-interest. But at the high end lie emotional abuse and pathological dysfunction.

By identifying overly narcissistic behaviors early on, people can avoid years of psychological turmoil. The key lies in recognizing actions that erode trust, stability and mutual fulfillment. With self-awareness and communication, relationships with narcissists can improve. But in severe cases, walking away remains the healthiest option.